for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
