Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
