he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
