At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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