I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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