last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
