Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
