yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
