just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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