It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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