jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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