Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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