oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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