drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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