so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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