I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
