i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
