it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am available for nakedness
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
