Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
