girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize