Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I believe in your delicious
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
