Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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