I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
