Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bring me that man meat
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
