I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
