turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
