Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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