I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
