come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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