never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
