a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
