sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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