so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize