At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
