How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
