Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
