I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
