so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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