fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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