I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
