She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
