I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
