I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
