just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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