I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
