i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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