please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my shit smells like andre
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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