So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
