Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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