I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
