Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
