I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
