drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
high people should be assigned attendants
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
