WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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