dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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