He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
