He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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