I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
