the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
