Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
