We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont even know how to be here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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