hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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