I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
