i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
