Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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