My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
