You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
