i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
