I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
