saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
