also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
