look no pants
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
