he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
