I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
