Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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