Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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