batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
