I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
