maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
