So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my liver is dry heaving
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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