i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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