mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize