I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Boobs are out for the taking
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
