I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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