I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
