too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
