Im at strip club and am horny
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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