pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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