Already got asked if we're dating
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
