I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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