I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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