The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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