I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
