You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
