I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
