So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
