guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
