he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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