even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
