This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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