So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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