dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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