Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
