remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
