i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
