there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize