I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
