I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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