$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
