I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
