You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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