"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
