I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
