I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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