Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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