As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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