Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
