I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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