So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
