Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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